Lost Chances
by darkangelthefallen
Summary: France takes a look back on his life and a mistake he made on a very sad day.


I wake up in the middle of the night and look over to the body laying next to me. I do this every single night, though I have no idea why, it only causes me pain. Once again the heart innocently laying in my chest convulses. Why did I ever settle for this when my love lay with another? The answer is simple, I wanted children and he wasn't yet ready. I was feeling my age and began wanting a legacy, a part of me that would be carried on if I ceased to exist. As a single tear escapes my eye I roll over to avoid looking at Arthur. I can't stand to look at him when my heart lies elsewhere.

I woke up late since I had trouble returning to sleep after I woke. I was unfortunately forced to kick Arthur out of my kitchen yet again. Arthur always made a huge mess and then the food he cooked wasn't fit for consumption, not to mention the smoke damage. My love had always respected my kitchen and stayed out even if he did have the ability to cook. My normally peaceful time cooking was filled with the yelling of an irate brit which I completely ignored. After setting the table our adult children came crashing through the door. Well, at least one did the other followed diminutively behind the first. My daughter Seychelles had stopped coming home for meals, and I really couldn't blame her sometimes I wished I didn't have to deal with this group.

I ignored my oncoming headache and sat to watch the horror that I knew would befall my perfectly made pancakes. While Alfred chewed, mouth wide open, he spoke to Arthur and my beloved Matthew committed murder. Matthew was the only good thing I had taken from this horrid mistake but even he had his quirks caused by Arthur. Drop by drop I watched as Matthew drowned my creations in the sickly sweet syrup he put on everything. This habit began in childhood when Arthur cooked for the boys once in a while, it was the only thing Matthew could find to make such awful cooking palatable. He now covered everything he ate with it, even things he could easily eat without it before.

Finally, after watching this scene for about fifteen minutes I found I couldn't take it anymore, did nobody realize what today was? Did nobody remember what this day meant for me? I dropped my fork and pushed out my chair. The three of the turned to stare at me but I didn't care I got up and left my half finished breakfast on the table. I ignored their calls as I walked out the door and down the road. I was walking to the most heart wrenching place I had ever known. I was in pain every single day but no day hit me harder than on February twenty-fifth. The cold wind hit me and I pulled my coat closer around me. I was always freezing on this day even if the day before and the day after were warm. I stopped at a marble stone placed under a tree and sat and stared. On this day in 1947 my heart had left this world and my family didn't care. Of course they never knew I loved him romantically, they were never supposed to. They did however know he was the best friend I had in the world and not one of them cared about the feelings the anniversary of my loss put me through. I sat there for hours until my fingers become numb from gripping the slightly overgrown grass and I finally opened my mouth to speak. "Hello again Gilbert. I miss you terribly. I have to admit as close as we were I wasn't always completely honest with you. I know it's far too late but I have something to confess to you. I never truly loved Arthur, I just wanted to settle down and have kids, I just wanted a part of me to still be here in the world. I'm not getting any younger and honestly I thought I would be going long before you considering my lifestyle." By this point tears were streaming down my face and if a certain repressed brit were here I knew he would be calling me a sissy but I couldn't find it in me to care. This was the love of my life buried under six feet of earth I was sitting on. "I thought there would be plenty of time to leave Arthur once our children were grown and then I could begin pursuing the one I truly loved. I had no idea you would be leaving me so soon. It's all my fault, it should have been you all along, it should have been you." As the last of my tears fell I felt a hand drop heavily on my shoulder. My tired blood shot eyes looked up at Antonio, the only friend I had left.

He squeezed my shoulder lightly, "I'm proud of you Francis. It was about time you let him know."

I looked back at the slab of marble that bore my love's name. "You knew about my affections for him Antonio?"

My friend looked at me with sad eyes, "Sometimes I think he was the only one who didn't. You know he was pretty oblivious to these things. You finally told him though, I think he would have been happy to hear it."

I looked back up at Antonio sadly, "I guess we shall never know for sure." I placed a hand over the one he had left sitting on my shoulder and we stayed there in silence for a long time before Antonio gave my shoulder another squeeze and went back to his little tomato. He never stayed as long as I did but then again he had somebody he truly loved with all his heart waiting for him at home. When the sun began to set I lay on the grave clutching the grass and sobbing until no more tears would come the entire time knowing that this would be the closest I would ever be to laying with my love. That is how Arthur found me, shivering and tear stained while laying on Gilbert's grave. He said nothing but glared at me as he slung me across his shoulder and began to carry me back to my house. I didn't have the affection any longer to call it a home since Gilbert would never again grace it's hallways with his declarations of awesomeness. My last thought as my love disappeared from view, sometimes it's simply too late to fix the worst mistake of your life.


End file.
